Firefly Beach

2007-08-23T23:33:00.000+10:00

what's past is past.

moved.

2007-08-15T11:11:00.000+10:00

pictures from a few weeks ago

the part of my hospi team who got distracted by food!

laser quest for isaac's birthday. and bbq afterwards.

2007-08-15T10:33:00.000+10:00

i'm blogging now because i woke up on time for lecture but was debating whether to go or not till i was late and so i managed to convince myself that i need to do my essay at home and not waste my 2hr break later talking crap in uni. so now i'm sitting here on the bed in the study trying to get work done.

the library's my new best friend. esp the (soontoclosedown)erc and lrc.
my other new best friend is my ipod.

random msges from jude never fail to bring a smile to my face. (:
we need to have a girl's night out. lets go for holiday this year end!

seeing clara on skype made me a very happy girl few nights ago. its just classic lala with those cheeks! heh. :D

i wanna go for muse! gah! why must they play at expensive expensive rod laver. and the killers are coming too! and they're within days of each other. during the stupid exam period. not happy not happy. :(

i wanna eat freddo's.

2007-08-07T19:07:00.000+10:00

if i may just say this once, for the first time in 2 years, i really want to go home.

and if you're wondering why stir isn't blogging like she used to, everytime i feel like writing something, i think and re-think what i wanna say until i lose the urge to blog. that, and the fact that i'm busy busy busy.

2007-07-29T23:29:00.000+10:00

gah! anybody wanna go film fest with me.?! or rather, anybody want to sponsor my movie watching streak? there are some really interesting shows going on! or so i hear from alex who's volunteering there..

in other news, i really can't be bothered to type out real thoughts here anymore. photos are so much easier and somewhat less intrusive. or maybe i'm just getting sluggish.

2007-07-29T01:07:00.000+10:00

We gave our lives to learn how to fly on our own,
Only to find that the edge of all we know was just a painted sky;
A clever disguise, to make the heavens reflect in our eyes...
And all I see, is all there is to be seen

2007-07-24T10:51:00.000+10:00

last bit of photos from sydney! (cos i'm too lazy!)
bondi beach in the evening! sugar overload fried mars bars.

hillsong church for sunday service.

stir/mingli/nelson/joy
fish market! i don't have the group photo and i don't know whose cam its on. but here's a random shot.

gah. my timetable's terrible this sem.
early starts almost everyday? check.
long breaks between classes? check.
full days with no breaks? check.
no free day? check.
oh wells.

photowhoring with nick lee! whom i haven't seen in ages!
reminiscing about lousy comical teachers and silly class antics.
a good pick me up for a boring draggy first day back in uni. (:

2007-07-19T22:01:00.000+10:00

the obligatory opera house pic

the BFG who remembers us and let us go in first! haha!

mingli, christine, me, joy

sticky date pudding! yumm!

for jude! "sometimes people laugh at my socks but i love them"

ok we got bored waiting and started taking random pictures

2007-07-17T16:14:00.000+10:00

hello! i'm back from my 2.5 weeks of holidaying! (:
sydney! hillsongs! jude! christine! snowboarding!
i'm too lazy to put all the photos up so a select few from the ski trip would have to do for now.. (:

classic jude shot with her 2pak mars bar!

mr (snow)potatohead!

pretty flowers from jude before she left! (:

ok. i'm off to mope around my empty empty house. that smells of yummy flowers. and there are a thousand and one things calling my attention right now. i'm just lazy. raar.

2007-06-23T22:59:00.000+10:00

trigger happy days are good days. (:

2007-06-19T23:30:00.000+10:00

yesterday's paper was blah. i don't know which author wrote which article. thank you very much.

stir's weird.
others go to stocktake sales to get that dress they've been eyeing on for months and its finally on sale.
i go to stocktake sales to get that book(s) i've been eyeing on for months and its on sale (40% off ok)!

others go to sales, see what they like and grab within minutes.
i go to sales and walk for 45mins looking for that perfect shirt (for somebody else), finally find it and find out its out of sizes.

others find out its out of stock and get on with life (its a sale after all).
i walk all the way back before going home and ask if new stock is coming in.

and they tell me possibly never ever again.
yes. perfect shirts are truly too good to be true. raar.

2007-06-15T01:31:00.000+10:00

things that perk me up during exams
pretty flowers from liane the day before she left!
hanging out with jess and jasmine and the rest of them.
laurent with celest.. i realised i brought my camera out and conveniently forgot to take a pic with her.. oh well..

there have been other photo-less perk-me-ups.
like dinner at sam's place when the 'exam-less' guys cooked for us all.
and celebrating a few birthdays.
and dinner at glenn's with fantastic chicken curry and corn beef. (: and wii. and interesting animated stories to top it off.
i think i also entertain myself quite abit at home.
its hilarious, the things i do (or not do) when i'm half awake. (:

Jet - Move On

2007-06-12T20:58:00.000+10:00

Well I been thinking 'bout the future
But I'm too young to pretend
It's such a waste to always look behind you
Should be lookin' straight ahead

Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah, it's hard
If you had've only seen

10.34: Flinders Street Station
I'm lookin' down the tracks
Uniformed man askin' am I paid up
Why would I wanna be that?

Yeah , I'm gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah, it's hard
If you had have only seen
Take control
Don't be afraid of me

'Cause every once in a while
You think about if your gonna get yourself together
You should be happy just to be alive
And just because you just don't feel like comin' home
Don't mean that you'll never arrive

Yeah I'm gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah it's hard
If you had have only seen
Take control
Don't be afraid of me

2007-06-09T12:25:00.000+10:00

due to my innate ability to waste time, i've found music videos by one of my favouritest bands. even some really dorky ones from '94.

Everyday - Dave Matthews Band

The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band
(aka stir's favouritest song)

2007-06-07T22:45:00.000+10:00

baby whale syndrome (noun)

an acute, commonly epidemic disease, occurring in several forms, caused by impending exams and extreme stress, and characterized by a constant desire to eat or munch on something
often related to the sound 'blurp blurp blurp'

2007-06-03T23:58:00.000+10:00

gah. i'm freezing. its cold. all i wanna do is curl up in bed under my doona and conserve heat. or eat junk food and watch house/csi. or surf the web and daydream about sweden.

ahh. sweden. the more i read about it. the more excited i get. the more i build up my hopes. i reckon i'll go there and freeze. but i'll be happy. and everytime i slack off or dont feel like studying. i think of sweden and that i must work hard! its this semester's psyching up technique.

i think i'll try not to complain of the cold so much this winter. its my training for sweden! everytime i think how cold it is now, i'ld think 'darn! sweden's gonna be colder!'

i printed photos! and they make my wall look complete. before that it was like there were holes to fill. i think after exams i'll go buy some ikea photo frames and colour them different colours. then hang them up in my living room.

i took a old jacket out to wear at home yesterday. and found $5 in the pocket. its always nice to find money. even though technically it was mine to begin with. and it funded my macdonalds breakfast with the roar guys. bucketloads of laughter. twas good.

on a side note, i think my fridge/kitchen has enough food/junk to last me a relatively long time. grocery shopping is somewhat therapeutic. dont ask me why.

2007-05-28T22:40:00.000+10:00

placement ended on a good note.
with coffee and flowers and interesting discussions.
with promises to keep in touch and what nots.
now i look forward to my next placement.
ideally at some far away beachside location.
(preferably with lotsa sun and no stress)

gah.. being sick is no fun.
lying in bed like a sick puppy isn't exactly exciting or interesting.

...
ok i forgot whatelse i wanted to say.
i need to go grocery shopping. soon.

2007-05-24T08:37:00.000+10:00

hello hello! i woke up early today to finish some documentation.. and its done and i've got spare time for once! haha! i've been watching sun rises since last monday and i conclude that the sun rises in a different way everyday.. (: some days its cloudy and the sun can barely be seen.. some days its so bright i dont want to look out of my window..

there's this baby at placement who only comes in on wednesdays.. and he is just the cutest! he has so much lovely brown hair its almost funny.. and he has the biggest eyes and the longest eyelashes.. and he fell asleep while i was carrying him in a sling.. and i didn't even realise till another teacher pointed it out to me.. and when he woke up and saw me, he smiled.. and that just melted my heart.. oh my, so cute so cute! ok.. enough gushing.. i shall go to work now.. just too badhe doesn't come in everyday.. boo.. (:

2007-05-21T21:33:00.000+10:00

grr.. waking up at 630 in the morning is not funny.. it reminds me of st nicks except that this time, there's no breakfast and milo ready.. and its freezing..
ahh, the thought of st nicks makes me think of orange bowl and blue bowl and wanton and chicken rice.. yumm..

its odd hearing thunder and seeing huge raindrops in melbourne.. extremely odd.. even the babies found it odd..

i think i'm getting a sore throat.. which might have gotten fast tracked after a child coughed into my face.. for me to realise later in the day that he has a fever and possibly, a sore throat.. boo..

folding freshly washed cloth nappies is therapeutic, almost.
being in charge is odd.
being completely random, like now, is normal.

when a human, ... , looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken

and still obeys.

that's what frightens the devil most.

2007-05-19T15:44:00.000+10:00

today was good (and i'm only halfway through the day!)
i slept in and did my laundry
i went to vic markets..
i soaked up the sights and sounds..
i bought some much needed vegetables and fruits..
i people watched..
i bought brekkie/lunch and a coffee..
i went home..
sat on my beanbag, enjoyed the view..
read my new jodi picoult book for a good 2 hours
while enjoying my coffee..

i can't believe that i'm actually halfway through my placement.. this placement has been fantastic.. (despite the fact that my supervisor is a he with a partner that's a he as well. hmm.) i've been learning alot.. and i actually want placement to go on for longer.. its good exercise (after monday i was and still am aching).. its meaningful.. its fun.. its what i wanna do.. the only drawback is that my clothes smell like baby now.. my sweaters have tiny bits of food stains.. and i know there's drool on the two shoulders of my sweaters.. ah well..

i realise what frustrates me the most during placement is when an infant cries, and i've no idea what they want/need.. and it becomes this pointless guessing game.. its heartbreaking almost, when you can't soothe them.. but then again, i feel such a sense of triumph when i can soothe them or meet their needs.. and i know i made their world kinder, happier even.. even if its just for those few hours.. (:

2007-05-16T22:11:00.000+10:00

exhausted.
but loving every moment of it.

2007-05-14T19:19:00.000+10:00

boo.. i wanna go see copeland in june.. and its right smack in the middle of my exams! and there's nobody to go with me! raar! judy goh.. if only u were here! ahh! copeland copeland!! anybody wanna go with me?! anybody anybody? faster tell me! the first 2 shows sold out already! one last show only!!

ok sorry for the excess of exclamation marks.. i'm feeling cranky cos there's nobody to go with me (liane! see la! go home so early!) and also cos i'm just plain tired.. i realised during lunch today that i can walk home everyday for lunch! how exciting! except that i waited 15mins for the lift this morning which made me late even though technically i left my house early.. oh wells.. at least i had fun today.. its actually pretty interesting working with this age group.. hokays time to get down to work and sleep early! (:

this is super random but i'm fascinated with cloth nappies and those new fake 'pins' that don't poke! heh..

2007-05-10T21:57:00.000+10:00

JUDY GOH GEOK SAN! yay! i was just about to call u but i thought u might be having dinner so i'll call later! see! i rem the time difference! haha! i don't know why.. but the other day as i was going to sleep, i suddenly remembered the time when we were at church camp and your leg cramped up.. heh.. don't worry.. this time you come and stay with me i'll definitely wake up k.. (: raar! can't wait for you to come!and spend some quality time! yay! so exciting! happy blessed birthday aunty/fellowspices! i love u many many! hugs and kisses! (:

oh! your present from pam is still with me! i forgot to pass it to lenny to pass to u! sorry! u'll get it soon anyhows.. (:

on another note, i'm beginning to hate computers now.. and silly programs that take ages to work out.. raar.. why can't we just go back to the good ol days of blackboard and chalk? now, wldn't that be nice..

i am excited about placement now.. i went for a preliminary visit yesterday.. and i just loved it! i stayed for an hour talking to my supervisor and playing with the kids when i could have left in 10minutes.. its gonna be fun i think.. though tiring as well.. can't wait can't wait! (:

2007-05-08T16:34:00.000+10:00

EUGENIA LOH MEI TING! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY! raar! heh! i love u many many! now you old like me! we can sign forms together already! haha! here's to many more years of treasured friendship/belly-aching laughter/pig-out sessions/sharing/going crazy/whining/aunty meetings and anything else you can think of! (:(:

pamsy! i love the baby doll dress! (:(: happy happy! thanks so much! it was a nice perk-me-up recieving presents.. haha! i decided that i shall start wearing my dresses before it really becomes too cold! ack! that means i can only wear dresses for this two weeks i think! boo.. jude! lets wear dresses together! (even though u're in smelly perth, still can right?!) haha!
(side track abit.. pamsy! i think my spacebar is going to come out soon! how how?!)

and i brought lenny+friends to the beach! the sun came out! happy happy.. was good walking by the beach, with a light breeze, with the warmth of the sun on my face.. haven't been to st. kilda in so long! me thinks i shall go there again one day soon.. lemme just finish my assignments first..

i finally handed in my essay today.. one down, one to go.. my house is like a field full of land mines now.. be careful where you step! you never know where you'll trip! heh.. its just messy la.. i'm just feeling cranky from my lack of sleep.. which was bad for my lecturer (whom i really dislike) when we had to fill out those quality of teaching forms.. gah!

i also realise that i've become terribly accident prone.. i knocked my elbow against corners at least 3 times yesterday.. other parts of my body have been knocked too.. i shall not go into detail for fear of embarrassment.. :( but its really painful.. and leaves me feeling silly for shouting out 'ouch!' to nobody in particular..

ok.. off to (tryto)be a computer guru.. (:

2007-05-05T23:40:00.000+10:00

its times like these where i wish there was somebody here that i can turn to. somebody who knows me best.
if you knew how i felt,
its times like these where i wish i were back home. where every moment is filled. where there is a shortage of time.
would u call?
its times like these where i regret.

2007-05-03T17:46:00.000+10:00

"Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" Ps 27:14
did i tell u that i miss you so?
i saw a full rainbow today and wondered who will find that pot of gold at the end of it.

i'm beginning to get the hang of animations now..
stir's gonna be a computer guru. soon.

i'm loving my mng knitwear and shall go shopping once i've handed in all my assignments.

lenny's coming tmw! bearing gifts! yay!
that should cheer me up once i hand in my essay on tues.
so exciting! belated birthday present! (:
stir wanna go backpacking round the world too.
i want the excitement and wonder of seeing a country for the first time.
of experiencing new things for the first time.

stir regrets, slightly, cutting her hair short.
its really cold when the wind/rain blows.
well, at least its not as messy now.
or messy can be its 'natural' look. heh.

stir is angsty today and is blasting music so she can't hear her thoughts.

i realise i have a neighbour with a dog at home!
i heard the dog barking yesterday when i went home.
so fun! hopefully its a cute dog with a friendly owner.
so i can play with him/her/it.

i happened to see a photo of my friend's dog today.
it looks exactly like jude's old fat dog! hah!

2007-05-01T23:15:00.000+10:00

rachel's early birthday surprise got foiled even before it started.. she went home early on the day where she shouldn't.. so patrick went to her place, and she was like, what are u doing here?! that completely spoilt it.. she even "surprised" the rest of us.. bah.. so much for blowing balloons to fill her room.. and i was so excited at the thought of surprising somebody! :( ah well, its the thought that counts right.. haha! it reminds me of the time the spices + jo went to jude's place to surprise her with balloons as well.. and she wasn't surprised cos she saw the guys downstairs.. boo..

pretty cupcakes from celest!

charlene and rachel look like they dont know what to do with the cupcakes cos they look too nice to be eaten.. (:

random random shots from rach's place.. hanging around, having a few good laughs.. (:

random shot of me and alycia (:

the pretty pretty cake from laurent with the pretty name of christine! our one saving grace for the night of foiled plans.. at least it was the one thing she didn't expect.. thanks to stir's selective memory.. heh..

rachel happily beaming at her favourite cake

ack! i just realised we didn't get photos of the room semi-filled with balloons, and of the lilies we got for her! boo..

on a side note, i think i'm completely jaded/cynical/guarded in affairs of the heart now.. i couldn't even be bothered.. bah!

2007-04-30T17:12:00.000+10:00

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Thank God for His provision!
to think that i was so worried..
and God provided, not something mediocre..
but the best!
i am amazed.. really..

2007-04-29T21:38:00.000+10:00

yesterday had another one of those classic stir moments..
and i couldn't help but laugh (in my head) at myself.. (:
funny funny.. but i shall not embarrass myself..

today i was walking home deep in thought and patrick scared me..
he went 'BAH!' from behind and shocked whatever i was thinking about out of my head..
now i have this naggin feeling that i need to tell somebody something..
but i can't remember..
why is my lg leader so childish/lame?
it was pretty funny though..
i think he entertained himself throughout the day, more than anything else..
he went, "find somebody who's wearing purple again!"
and he points at me and go, "ding! 10 points!"
(its from that silly wii game they were playing last night..)
ah, the wonders that a lack of sleep + strong coffee do to some people..

2007-04-27T15:54:00.000+10:00

stir is/is not looking forward to placement!
was talking to a coursemate about previous placements
and i realised how unfair the grading system is! raar!
i worked my butt off last sem for 2 weeks
going early, leaving late, working well into the night..
and i got a measly grade simply cos my supervisor thought tt's what i deserve..
and tt's fine by me, cos i understood where i went wrong..
my coursemate (in her own words) did nuts and didn't even complete her folder
and got a fantastic grade simply cos her supervisor couldn't really be bothered..
and its so terrible, cos nothing gets checked by the uni so there's no quality control
boo
stir is not happy abt it
stir loves the time spent interacting and learning
but hates the excessive amount of work that is going to be needed
and hates the fact that placement is right before exams
stir woke up happy today
but am now not very happy at all
and i need to go do some animations now
blah
methinks i need to help myself from dying first

2007-04-26T16:52:00.000+10:00

please, will somebody tell me
where i fit in this big picture called theworld?

its times like these where i wonder what am i doing, studying here.
when i'm struggling to find a place to fit myself into after losing my grip
when i realise how much i'm missing out
when days go by before i have another dose of belly-aching laughter which i was so used to
when i resist the urge to do what used to be the highlightoftheday
when i watch my world go by without being able to be part of it

i was reading some of my old old posts, and watching some of my old old videos, and looking through some old old photos..
and i remembered the times when nothing else mattered..
when there was no need to read deeper into words or actions..
when i was naive but carefree..

2007-04-24T16:17:00.000+10:00

boo.. stir's paying the price for being vain.. :(
my recently renewed obsession with earrings have been brought to an uncomfortable halt..
after wearing all my old earrings for the past 6 days,
my left ear lobe is paying the price for it..
stir has no money for pretty earrings that dont hurt..
raar..

also, stir is freaking out for exams in 3+2 weeks time!
i dont like boring lecturers who know they're boring, hence only giving out the roll at the end of the painful sleep-inducing 2hr lecture..
and then set tough tough exam qns!

2007-04-21T21:14:00.000+10:00

I whisper,"You don't have to worry, we'll survive"
Forced smiles underneath the brittle, frozen light
No proof that you're alive
Cold fingers find the curve below your tired eyes
No comfort in familiar places, not this time
You hold it deep inside

2007-04-21T17:16:00.000+10:00

i'm bubbling with excitement now..
and i think i'm super ingenious! (:
hopefully nothing goes wrong though..

ohh! i saw this red balloon floating in the sky outside my window just now..
and it made me smile..
and wonder which lil girl lost her balloon..

had cell at my place last night..
twas nice seeing a house full of live, bubbling with people..
oh wells..
in a sense i miss staying at smelly, old, brown college sq..
i was never bored and there's always somebody u can call over..
even if it was to simply sit and stone..

its weird seeing how some people change over years..
u think u know what they wld turn out to be like that..
and they surprise you and become this whole other person that you don't really know anymore..

and my mum says that she thinks my hair is cute..
and pamsy thinks so too..

and i know i've said this before..
but i really really miss close friends and comfy silences!
i think i wld be a very different/happy person if they were here w me..
on the other hand, i thank God that celest is here too..
cos that's one more than what most people have! (:

ok stir's v random today..
maybe cos its such a gloomy, dreary day..
boo..

2007-04-18T21:20:00.000+10:00

hello!
stir's snipped-cut-chopped off her hair!
i dont recognise myself anymore..
i walk past a mirror and think "ooh! i look like my sis!"
or "oh my! what have i done?!"
or "woah! so short!!"

cutting hair is therapeutic..
i feel good.. tons better in fact..
no more strongholds in my life..
today marks the start of stir's transformation.. (:

i had a lovely (long overdue) 1hr+ talk with eugenia my dear..
i miss talking nonsense with her..
i miss pouring my heart out to her..
i'm so sorry we nv had that 'party' we envisioned..
it wld have been great fun..
oh wells.. now i just need to look for a rich (lawyer/doctor) bf to fly me down to surprise her!
if only life was that easy..
u'll def get a surprise on your birthday my dear..
cos only the special-est ppl get surprises from stir! (:
study hard study hard! dont fret!
get good grades, go do ind attachment w good pay, then come visit stir!*

*free accomodation, incl of breakfast, for a limited time only!
offer valid if your name is eugenia (or judy)! haha!

2007-04-17T16:35:00.000+10:00

i decided to put my ipod on shuffle today..
and the first song that came up was wonderwall, followed by chasing cars..
which somehow reminded me of timbre (ngak! heh heh..)
which then reminded me of judy mooty..
and these will be the only 2 photos that i'll post of cell retreat..
cos if you don't already know, stir is a lazy girl..
and anyway you can see them all on celest's and my life group's blogs.. (:
i even linked it for your convenience..
and i really am feeling more and more 'at home' in cell..
but don't worry, i still love my POP 1/2! (i can never differentiate) haha!
which reminds me, my life group gave me a lollipop for my birthday and at that precise moment i saw it, i thought of jo p and my lovely people of passion..
(i just realised i dont have a proper updated pop picture though.. oh wells..)

2007-04-16T18:07:00.000+10:00

i'll give anything to have apple pie ice cream at island creamery with these two right now.. (:

or a girls night out with my dearest spices..

have i told you how much i hate hate hate confrontations?

2007-04-13T23:14:00.000+10:00

it all came rushing back to me..
that old familiarity..
but somehow, this time, i didn't feel it in me..
it was almost an out of body kinda feeling..
detached.. a third person peering in..
(i know u'll read this, but i dont really care anymore)

you know how when you really want to say something..
but you're looking for that right moment..
and u try to suppress what you have to say..
and it leaves a lump in your throat..
well, that's how i felt..

ah, the wonders of a masked face..
like a clown..
trying to make the whole world happy..
but today,
today, the walls i so carefully built around my heart came crumbling down..
the resolve i so carefully pieced together cracked under pressure..
today, i cried out for help but noone replied..

2007-04-12T18:33:00.000+10:00

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn't always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

sometimes i wonder why is it so easy have so many emotions and thoughts bubblings inside, and yet when you're faced with a roomful of people, you can just switch and be happy and bubbly all over again.. the other day was just like that.. and when i went home, i felt like i was going to implode..

on a side note, am i supposed to be excited now? please, tell me, cos i wldnt know otherwise..

2007-04-11T14:44:00.000+10:00

here's some really belated pics from my birthday (cos my daddy keeps forgetting to send me the pics).. its more like the making of my present than the actually birthday thing.. (:

sam rach pat (and they're all looking at different places)

the pretty cupcakes before the icing

reality's gonna hit home pretty soon and i'm trying to brace myself for it.. something happened the other day which reminded me of why whatever happened happened in the first place.. i told celest that its all about timing.. its all about bracing yourself for that moment and then you'll just get the courage to say what needs to be said.. i hope my courage sticks with till then..

i was chatting w clara just a few nights back.. and i realise i really really miss those comfy silences we have.. and i thought of our timbre night out.. and i miss it.. i miss sitting there and basking in our friendship.. where u guys know exactly what i mean without me having to say too much.. and another thing i realise is that we're all grown up now.. ppl always say that we grow up and we move on.. well, i aint ever gonna move on from that..

2007-04-09T18:18:00.000+10:00

easter sunday night's lil service brought new revelations to me..
watching the passion now vs 2+years ago is extremely different..
then, what struck me most was the gore, the blood, the hatred in their eyes..
now, i see love that surpasses all else, the determination..
and the one thing that struck me the most was when Jesus first carried His cross.. and the other criminal shouted at him, "You fool! Why do you embrace your cross?!" (or something to that extent)

the weekend was definitely well spent w my cell at phillip island..
playing with sam's wii..
silly games and funny dances..
taboo words and mortgages..
building houses and kicking balls (or overestimating and not kicking the ball at all)..
analysing characteristics and playing silly logic games..
building sandcastles that look like ufos or faces (up to your imagination)
and great walls that look like snakes..
chasing seagulls and jumping in the air..
chicken, chicken, and more chicken.. (and some beef and lamb and eggplant)
water rationing (or lack thereof) and 'fused' lightbulbs..
pancakes and our initials..
strange noises and night lights..
(of as charlene put it "3 girls in 3 sleeping bags, screaming our lungs out for a guy to come save us.. from the dark..")
i think this trip met up to my expectations and so much more..
i'm glad all those 'unforeseen circumstances' never came to pass..
and i think i got to know my cell alot more..
this trip has really been a blessing and i thank God for it.. (:

2007-04-06T17:07:00.000+10:00

. . .
I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
. . .
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I know that I have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

2007-04-05T11:14:00.000+10:00

raar.. my house is in a great big mess.. and for first time in my life, i've got some form of dark eyes rings under my eyes..

i stayed home the whole of yesterday to finish my poster assignment.. and i conveniently forgot to go and buy art paper till 10mins before the art shop closes.. thank God the shop's just round the corner.. and i spent close to 7 hours printing and arranging and rearranging all the info to fit into a narrow narrow poster.. which was why i slept at 430 in the morning and printed 2 page1s, 2 page3s, and 2 page5s of my lecture notes.. blame my printer for not being able to print double-sided pages automatically.. (i only realised during lect that i printed it all wrong) raar..

and then, i woke up at 830 and told myself that i CANNOT forget to bring the poster to class.. cannot cannot! then i wore my shoes and drank some coffee.. and forgot about the poster.. (which is why i'm home now) and to top it all off, i forgot that i had a 2hr lecture until 1 hr of the lect had finished.. oh wells hooray for stir's blurness! i bet i made u laugh.. (:

2007-04-01T00:31:00.000+10:00

i'm taking a break from assignments and decided that today shall be photo overload day!timbre-ing with my beloved sn guides friends.. our friendship has indeed come a long way.. and we spent the night looking back on all the good and bad times we had together.. and its amazing how we still blend and bond after so many years.. esp since i sorta lost contact with most of them when we went to jc.. all of us being caught in the current of our own bustling lives..

what's left of our pizza by the time we remembered to take a pic of it..

coffeclub with pamsy my love! the obligatory spastic shot (: which reminds me.. jude can i pretty please have the videos/photos from our girls night out? (:

and i refused to take photo with her and that pink ball of i-dunno-what.. (:

and photos are from the time i went to the museum with my dearest eugenia..

and we decided that the basement of the musuem is good for playing hide and seek.. or peek-a-boo.. or taking spastic photos.. (:

i've been extremely happy the past few days.. and i don't even know why.. its kinda like being on a constant natural high.. which motivated me to unpack that last box of stuff which i've been procrastinating about.. and set up my keyboard so i can practice.. and do a complete clean up of my house.. and do sets of jumping jacks and push ups and sit ups.. and i think maybe tmw, if i have the time, i might actually go climb that 34 floors as a form of exercise.. and that's if i still can't sit still.. (:

let me tell u.. stir's set for a major overhaul of her life! out with past hurts and bad old memories! cut the anchor lines of confusion and hurt that weigh me down.. something's happening within me and i can feel it in my bones.. right in the core of my being.. God's working on me, chunk by chunk.. and i think He thinks that its 'bout time!

2007-03-29T01:25:00.000+10:00

hello world. stir's got internet! woohoo! worldwideweb here i come! lemme just finish my assignments first..

i've had a journey filled with ups and downs over the past month or so.. and stir's learnt alot.. dare i say grew alot..

i learnt that motivation comes from within..

last friday, there was a blackout and i was out and my mum was at home. and we were at a lost as to what to do, where to go.. so i decided that i can't let my mum walk all the way down.. so i walked all the way up to be with her.. not that i could do much or 'protect' her much.. but i walked every step of 34 floors because i couldn't leave her alone.. and to think that i was just commenting to somebody a few days back that i'll die walking all the way up.. well, i did it in 15minutes..

i learnt that God's always there to carry you when you can't walk anymore..

i think yesterday has got to be one of the worst days so far.. my modem/router hadn't arrive when it was supposed to on monday.. i was hitting dead end after dead end in looking for accomodation for cell retreat.. i was way behind in my work cos i needed the internet.. i had a terrible blocked nose and sore throat and cough.. the lift wasn't working..
and i was sitting there trying to concentrate on my work.. but all i could think about was holiday houses and internet connections.. and i wanted to give up.. and i said "God help me"..
and just seconds after that, i got not 1, but 4 sms confirmations for holiday houses available for rent.. at that point, i just felt so relieved so thankful.. and if that wasn't enough, this morning i checked my email and realised that they were sending my modem/router out in the morning.. the time of the email was exactly the same as those smses..
and so i got my modem at 8pm just now.. and i'm almost done with my assignment.. and i can breath through my nose now.. and as eugenia cheerfully reminded me just now, "His yoke is light".. its been a great day indeed..

alrighty, the rest of the stories shall come after i rest and hand in my work.. (:

His yoke is light! how true, how very true indeed..

2007-02-26T12:25:00.000+11:00

i accidently woke up at 840 for my 9am class today. and then i spent 30mins looking for the lecture theatre that's somewhere in the engineering buildings. so i decided not to go for lect cos i'm superbly late and caffiene deprived. hence i went for a cup of coffee and to print all my notes in the comp lab only to realise that i've got absolutely no printing credits. raar. what a way to start the new school year. heh.

i'm living out of a suitcase now. for the next few weeks i think. i think hangers were the greatest inventions ever. next to window blinds and washing machines. call me if you wanna know why. oh wait. i forgot. i've got no phone line either. i moved all my 'essential' stuff to my apartment. and conveniently forgot that i needed plates until after i bought food. hooray for stir's forgetfulness!

2007-02-22T16:53:00.000+11:00

good news and bad news.

the good news is that i have internet for tonight!
the bad news is that i'm kinda homeless now.

aussies are inefficient and extremely irritating.
the weather is superbly hot.
the sun is extremely bright.
jess' appartment in dusty/stuffy/musty. (but i'm grateful for it!)
the same ol' programs are on television.
(think days of our lives and mash)
i can only move into my temp apartment tmw morning.
i am tired smelly and my nose is leaking.
raar. :(

2007-02-21T21:22:00.000+11:00

its back to melbourne in a few hours' time. back to cooking lonely dinners and having some much needed 'me' time. and the internet will be a rarity in the days to come. there are so many more things i wanna do here. yet i just wanna sit back, relax and enjoy a good book. oh wells back to packing. (:

and i'll upload photos when i get back to melb and some internet connection. sorry pamsy! heh.

2007-02-05T02:50:00.000+11:00

lunch and movie with jude was followed by dinner with the girls last tuesday! apparently, our auntie club has now recruited leong in too.. (even though i don't even know when i became a part of it) (: dinner was full of laughter, as it always is.. and they never fail to make my day.. (:

2007-02-05T02:38:00.000+11:00

timbre-ing with the girls was great great fun esp with lala as a never-ending source of entertainment and laughter.. (:
it was nice just sitting there (with the flies) and just soaking up the atmosphere..
soaking up the moments we all spent together..
there seem to be no great need for conversation between the 5 of us.. (:
to me its almost like i'm storing all these moments up..
replenishing and getting ready for the next 9-10 months..
i miss being in my comfort zone..
i miss feeling so comfortable that conversation's redundant..

jude's last day in sg!
we went flea marketing and saw many many pretty things! (:
i don't like school excursions! raar..
and we saw many many nice pretty places to chill out..
but no time no time!
and the building was pretty..
so we wanted to take photo w it..
but there was nobody around..
so she wanted to use to van across the road as a camera stand but to no avail.. ):
and the wind blew in the only photo that we took together in my cam.. so i have messy messy hair.. and i got too lazy to take another photo.. heh..

2007-01-30T00:48:00.000+11:00

whee.. i shall post some of the random photos that i've taken in the past month or so.. i realise i bring my camera everywhere but i'm always too lazy to take photos and end up telling people to send me photos when they reach home.. and then we all conveniently forget about it.. so from now on, i'll take photos as often as possible and not be lazy.. esp since i stopped work and have all the free time in the world! (: i was extremely happy that i could wake up late today and laze the day away.. doing everything in my own time..

fact camp! this is the only photo i have! (:

christmas day!

our lil jb trip!

tired tired..

chomp chomp with the spices!
the guys were talking about boring army and soccer so we didn't bother to take photo with them at first.. and then i got lazy, so the group photo isn't in my cam.. heh..

timbre with the spices!
just too bad pam and pris couldn't make it.. we had almost full attendance! and it was good catching up with the whole lot of them.. esp tim ho! i didn't even recognise him when i bumped into him at kino after not seeing/talking for more than 1.5 years! heh.. and he calls me auntie now! oh my.. its been so long.. too long..

and in between all these activities was the cell christmas party, our new year's eve stayover, and many many lil meet ups/coffee talks/tau hui sessions/dinners that just happened.. hmm.. and of course my one month work stint at kinder/nursery.. which i shall talk more about when i've got more time.. (:

2007-01-07T02:26:00.000+11:00

its been a whirlwind the past 2 weeks..
after christmas was meet up after meet up..

i love my bunch of snguides!
even after so long, we nv fail to entertain each other..
and we nv ever run out of things to talk about!
its unbelievable how i've technically known huizhen for 14 years already!
ack! and i still have our geeky primary 1 class photo! (:

and then there was the jb trip!
shopping shopping! fun fun!
was good hanging out w all the pop cell ppl who were there..
catching up and just having fun.. (:

after that was our sleepover!! (jude! i want photos!)
lotsa laughter lotsa sharing..
we didn't do much, no mahjong no cards..
but i believe we all enjoyed ourselves tremendously..
i loved our quiet new year 'celebration' alot alot.. (:

and then i started work at this nursery..
which has been a great learning experience so far..
although extremely tiring..
but i enjoy it..

yay! i just updated everybody on the past 2 weeks and i'm too lazy to show photos to everybody.. another day la.. haha.. (:

2006-12-25T03:56:00.000+11:00

Merry Christmas everybody! i just had to show my pretty christmas tree.. (: i didn't do christmas shopping this year, not even cards.. even though i'll prob feel guilty and (maybe) end up giving pseudo new year cards.. haha.. thanks for all the lovely presents and cards everybody! (:

i don't know why, but i've been thinking alot these days.. and i realise i just want to be left alone.. i took the bus home alone yesterday and relished every single moment of it.. just sitting there with my music, staring out of the misty window, drowned in my own thoughts.. i miss being in melbourne as well.. i think its cos i have my own space and time to think about anything and everything.. now that i think about it, i'm really tired being in singapore.. there's too many things to do, places to go, people to meet.. i'm happy to be back, but it just tires me out so much sometimes..

mummy, lala, jude.. sleepover on the 31st? okok? (:

2006-12-20T20:24:00.000+11:00

yay! its 6 days to christmas and my lil christmas tree is getting prettier by the day! (:

the past week's been busy busy..
what with fact camp and meeting up with long-time-no-see friends..
i must say that fact camp was fantastic!
dare say that i learnt alot from pastor jenny..
and certain parts almost felt like God was shouting out to me..
esp the part about breaking down the walls and blocks in our hearts..
which reminded me of a certain casting crowns song..

and another thing that ps jenny said only in passing, but struck a chord in me (because i think about it alot)..
is that every person (whether born disabled or not) is lovingly knit together by God
that nothing is ever an accident..
not autism, not cerebral palsy, not physical deformities..
God made him/her like that for a purpose..
i guess this made me see things in a diff light..
cos i've been asking why/how can God be so unfair to create somebody with autism/disability from birth..
i know its not for me to qn what God does..
but its just something that weighs heavily on my heart..

during the camp, i noticed how the sec sch girls would stay up and gossip..
and how they made alot of noise everywhere they go (in a good girly kinda way)..
and i started reminicing (as if i v old like that)..
i miss the carefree, full of energy, bubbling with excitement (for what the future holds) kinda days..
there are alot more things i wanna say about camp..
but i'm a lil lazy so if u really wanna know..
just ask me.. (:

2006-12-07T16:49:00.000+11:00

results are out..
and i'm a happy happy girl today..
i exceeded some of my expectations and i thank God for it.. (:

i also realise that i can wear gap kids and zara kids clothes..
all these pretty pretty (cheaper) clothes!
i was extremely satisfied with my buys,
besides the fact that the saleperson was staring daggers at me..
vivocity was an extremely draining experience, aside from gap and zara..
it didn't help that it was absolutely freezing in that place..
and it really is possible to get lost there..
raar..

i'm beginning to like the rainy days in sg..
esp when i'm happily at home or in the car..
heh..
and i'm slowly ticking off the things on my cravings list..
like a happy contented girl.. (:

2006-12-02T15:48:00.000+11:00

i'm back in singapore happily eating my way to babywhale-dom..
and happily complaining about the sun and the rain and the crowds and blah..
its good to be home..
i even feel happy about being rudely awakened by my mum's early morning guitar/singing sessions.. (:
i really have no idea whatelse to say since i eat and sleep and shop only..
heh..

2006-11-27T00:57:00.000+11:00

christmas is coming! or so says my cute lil christmas dashboard widget which informed me that its 28 days to christmas! and the lil christmas tree is slowly decorating itself! so cute right! haha!

(this screen shot was taken on saturday when it just started decorating itself! haha!)

and i've finally moved out of my apartment.. i have hell lot of stuff.. and 5 (strong?) guys and 1 van to help me move everything! which was good cos i would have died moving myself.. (:

i've no idea what i'll do for the next few days before i get back to sg.. there's absolutely nothing to do and nobody to do anything with.. and there's no food to eat too! raar! like so miserable like that right.. bleah.. i don't wanna go shopping alone..

2006-11-23T18:09:00.000+11:00

happy happy 20th birthday my dearest clara woon!! (:
u're finally old like me and eugenia! hahah!
and do u realise that i've known u (technically) for 14 years already!! since sunday school and all.. like we so old like that! haha! do u rem how we used to refuse to sit next to the smelly boys! then u all always sabo me to sit next to timmy! haha! and how in yf we shared secret crushes and all that silly girly stuff! and then we drifted.. and i didn't see u for abit.. but then u came back! and we went to serve together! and we grew up together.. and we learnt so much and we shared so much! and we depended on each other (in a sense).. and i think i never had so much fun/laughter and so much tears and so much growth in such a short period as that.. its funny how our friendship grew over time.. till now with our random chats over msn and sporadic emails.. yet i love u so! cos u never fail to put a smile on my face.. (stir's so sweet right! haha!) and i wish and pray with all my might that u'll get to come to melb for your exchange.. and i can't wait to go back and catch up w u! and lets really really have a sleepover! i'm serious! (: happy birthday my dear..i hope u have a good one! (esp since i'm going to call u tonight!)

2006-11-22T23:17:00.000+11:00

i'm terribly happy today..
and i'm sorry for being so terribly grumpy the past few days..
and now begins the task of boxing up my life..
interlinked with the days of doing nothing and just nua-ing..
since all my shopping buddies have returned to the lil red dot..

i was packing some stuff the other day and i saw this..
and it made me grin and remember all the silly stuff we did..
and i know we're both going back to sg soon..
so we'll catch up then..
but i'm really really looking forward to our july hillsongs+melb trip/visit/shopping spree/quality time together.. (:
its gonna be so fun!
anybody wanna join us?

2006-11-19T22:27:00.000+11:00

i've been munching on smoked almonds and chocolate chip fudge cookies.. bleah.. and i really am looking forward to the end of my silly exams.. raar.. i just wanna nua and do nothing.. or dress up and be pretty.. (:

and i realise i must have been really stressed last week cos somebody i don't really know mentioned today that i looked so much more relaxed today.. eeks..

and i also realised, after telling some friends about it, that an incident that happened two weeks back, that i brushed off as a not-done-on-purpose thing.. might really have been done on purpose.. and now my defence mechanisms are setting in.. no good no good.. both ways also no good..

ooh, and i seem to have a neverending flow of useless-but-must-keep stuff in my apartment.. started packing last week.. all the stuff that i seldom use.. and my apartment doesn't seem any emptier.. bleah.. i think i just can't bear to throw/sell/give away alot of my stuff..

i'm not exactly making sense, am i?

2006-11-12T15:31:00.000+11:00

ugh! can i just rant about two things here..

one, i am NOT a kid!! i like kids and simple things make me happy.. but i am NOT A KID! RAAR! ugh.. it irks me a terrible lot when people say things like 'bye big kid!' not once, not twice but over and over and over again! some jokes (if u think its funny) just loses its humour after awhile..

and two,an early childhood education exam isn't any less stressful/difficult than law or commerce (or insert whatever nerdy degree)! just because i actually enjoy what i'm studying and don't make a big fuss over the academic stuff doesn't make it any easier! granted that it might not be as technical with not as many big words but it ain;t all fun and games! ugh..

please don't comment about this post.. i'm just stressed and when i'm stressed i have a shorter than usual fuse.. i don't like the fact that i'm irritated over these (oh so small) matters! eeks! sometimes i don't like myself a terrible lot.. raar!

note to self: DON'T WASTE TIME ALREADY! study study study! and soon you'll be home!

2006-11-11T19:39:00.000+11:00

my dad called me just now.. and we got excited over the same thing.. i like talking to my daddy.. we sometimes think the same (weird) thoughts.. which is really quite funny.. (:

i'm sitting quietly at home now after doing a ton of memory work.. realising that the only healthy food in my house now is my last apple.. i need to do groceries.. bleah.. and i'm too lazy to go out of my house.. i shall sit quietly and eat my apple..

i was talking to a friend the other day about how i'm getting fat from eating exam junk.. and he said to get my bf to bring me go running.. that sentence made me happy.. cos since i have no bf, i don't need to go running right? so i conclude that not being attached is a very good thing.. it gives me the right to not exercise since i have no motivation.. heh.. i don't know why i just told the whole world how lazy i am.. but yeah.. oh wells.. (:

ooh and to you, thanks for listening to me rant on and on about stuff primarily due to exam stress..

and in other news, happy 21st mark koh! i called u and finished the last bit on my calling card la.. (only because i refuse to buy a new one.. heh..) hope u had a good one anyway! in the midst of all these exams and blah..

2006-11-08T15:46:00.000+11:00

i was walking home from the lib yesterday and i saw this girl blowing bubbles out of her apartment window.. and it made me happy.. (:

i couldn't fall asleep last night and was just thinking.. how sad it would be if i lost all my childlike qualities.. i don't wanna be cynical or apathetic.. sure i wanna grow up and mature.. and i like to think that i'm on my way there.. but i don't wanna lose that part of me.. i want lil things to make me happy.. like bubbles.. or bright sunshiny days.. and chasing pigeons (if i may say so).. or a bright lil flower by the roadside.. or a familiar face among a mass of unknowns.. i know some people think that i'm childish.. and some people laugh at me.. but i really don't wanna lose at bit of me..

anyway, lala says that i cannot reply her msn msg when she says bye cos if not we become "like lovers cannot part like that".. heh.. (: i can't wait to go for fact camp so would u please go.. pretty pretty please with the icing on top..

2006-11-04T19:33:00.000+11:00

hello world
say hi to not-so-little miss pimply.. raar..
i'm v grumpy these few days..
exams make me complain about alot of things..
like how cadbury is evil.. they entice u and draw u into a vicious cycle of food-fat-food-fat..
i don't thin i'm making sense.. haha..

whee.. this is long overdue but thanks so much to lala and eugenia and nic for the flowers.. lovely lovely lilies brighten up my day everytime i wake up and smell them.. (:

and it reminded me of when a friend of mine asked me why girls like dead flowers.. raar..

yep and yummy krispy kreme makes me happy too.. i feel like a greedy pig.. that reminds me of this primary sch math game that i saw in one of my lecture notes.. its called "greedy pig".. heh..

ooh and i owe eugenia a max brenner chocolate souffle.. she's greedier than me la.. haha.. terrible.. (:

2006-10-28T21:52:00.000+10:00

had a lovely dinner with celest last night..
yummy sukiyaki and my fav eggplant..
i had a tiny lil smile on my face as we parted ways after that..
we let bygones be bygones..
she concluded that i have become apathetic to affairs of the heart after one and a half years..
i think i have..
but it kinda scares me at the same time..
that i have such a couldn't-care-less attitude..
if u told me 2years ago that i would be what i am today,
i would probably have laughed at the absurdity of it..

exams are bad for health.. they make me eat..
raar!
and it doesn't help that i'm going to stuff myself tmw night..
i hate studying nutrition..
it makes me think about what i eat and how unbalanced it is..
it makes me think about empty calories and how much junk i eat..
raar! and its teaching me how to count my calories..
which is good.. but bad at the same time..
bah! i'm just ranting..

2006-10-25T23:31:00.000+10:00

sometimes i find myself shutting my eyes with all my might
wishing that you would go away and leave me alone.
but if that really happened,
i wonder how i would feel.

2006-10-22T22:07:00.000+10:00

i've been reading up on this and this.. it disgusts me how people are able to allow it to happen.. and watching the documentary on it raised a ton of questions in my mind..

and i know where i wanna work for this upcoming hols.. whether i get paid is another matter..

late night convos with clara never fail to make me laugh.. (:

2006-10-19T11:53:00.000+10:00

Exams exams..

10th nov - Learning Area: Mathematics 1
14th nov - Language and Literacy Development
17th nov - Learning, Teaching and Play 1B
22th nov - Learning Area(EC): Health and Physical Ed 1

do please pray for me.. (:

raar.. i just made honey semifreddo for my cell! yummy! i wanna keep it all for myself.. it reminded me of judy goh and the spices.. and how we had a bbq last time at my place and we made semifreddo and we gals ended up eating it all cos the smelly boys were watching soccer.. heh.. (:

2006-10-17T00:16:00.000+10:00

have you ever felt so irritated that all you can say is UGH!
so insulted that talking to that person would just be cheapening yourself?
so irked that you're this close to lashing back?

God, please grant me patience, understanding and self-control. pretty pretty please.

i'm tired. i need rest.
my mind cant stop whirling.
too many things to think about.
too many thoughts swamping my mind.
my hands are tied.
there's only this much i can do.
only this much.

sometimes i wish i was my emo self again.
that bottle of tears was buried too deep its impossible to find it again.
i want to feel.
not just happiness, but euphoria.
not just sadness, but despair.
not just fear, but terror.
not just anger, but rage.
i want to be alive again.
to be alive.

i try so hard but it doesnt matter anymore.
the ball's in your court now.
please give me the respite that i crave for.

2006-10-14T13:21:00.000+10:00

imagine this...

a sharp, swift bolt of thunder strikes
so close that it stuns you for a moment
without warning, it starts to pour
the rain pours down so heavily
so fast you have nowhere to hide
nowhere to run for cover
but just as quickly as it came,
it suddenly stops
and you're left there. drenched.

now, how about this...

a sharp, swift bolt of envy strikes
so close that it stuns you for a moment
without warning, it starts to pour
the tears pour down so heavily
so fast you have nowhere to hide
nowhere to run for cover
but just as quickly as it came,
it suddenly stops
and you're left there. drenched.
shocked at your own reaction.

its too late to take cover. its no use anyway.
after so long, i never thought i would feel like anymore.
not over this. not over this at all.
i shocked myself last night.
its not fair.

2006-10-08T23:43:00.000+10:00

its really unglam for a girl like me to play playstation.. heh..
i think it totally ruined my reputation/image (or whatever's left of it) today..
oh wells.. i can't help it.. (:
raar..

2006-10-07T16:48:00.000+10:00

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends,
what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.

-Pedro Arrupe, S.J. (1907-1991)

I see this on a poster on the back of my friend's house toilet door almost every friday evening.. its a weird place, i know.. but everytime i see it, it makes me go 'wow!'.. the enormity of falling in love with God.. i've never really thought of it this way..

2006-10-05T21:00:00.000+10:00

there was something wrong with the previous post and it cldn't be seen till now.. raar.. have been doing lots since coming back to melb.. rushing assignments and stuff.. raar..

i had a really nice phone conversation two nights ago with jude.. it made me happy.. its been so long since we last talked and it was just nice catching up with her.. and after that it just came to mind how we used to have all our fine grand plans about the future where it was all ideal and nice and dandy.. and look where life has brought us now.. all in different parts of the world.. doing all sorts of different things.. (:

what would you do when the task ahead seems too much to handle?
when the mountain's too high to climb?
when life throws you off the road and all you can see is darkness?
do you close your eyes tightly shut and wish with all your might that the mountain would disappear?
do you hide under your blanket and cry to yourself?
do you mask your turmoils and go about as if everything's fine?
do you go out there and get it done against all odds?
what do you do?

and can i just mention that i really really don't like qantas now.. and that japan photos will be up soon..

2006-09-25T23:34:00.001+10:00

so much has happened in the past week i don't know where to start. i like exploring new places with a map in one hand. its alot more fun(and tiring) than going onto a bus and then getting off to take a few photos. we had this really talkative tour guide with a high pitched voice who can talk nonstop for 3 hours. even my trusty lil' ipod was no match to her voice. my ears were abused. raar.

i was on the plane from sapporo to tokyo yesterday.
and i was thinking (cos i finished reading my book).
and it dawned upon me that what used to dominate my mind has really been replaced.
when i tried so hard to shove it out, it refused to budge.
the feelings i used to feel have faded.
no, not faded. but changed. drastically.
i think i'm now indifferent to certain things.
it shocked me for a moment.
and then i realised that that's going to allow me to move on.
to move forward and not stay stuck where i am.
to move closer to God.

it doesn't bother me what you think anymore.
and i hope it doesn't bother you what i think or do.

2006-09-17T22:42:00.000+10:00

i'm tired as can be. and excited as can be. and happy as can be. and recharged to the max.

camp was fantastic!
i got so much more out of it than i thought i would.
we had the best camp food ever.
we had a really nice campsite. with nice heated dorms.
we had a lovely campfire with roasted marshmellows.
we had the most practical sessions.
we had God in our midst.

for more info, please come ask me. i'm too tired and my brain's pretty dead now. so i'll not blog abt it. maybe after this 2 week hols i'll do something about it.

what do u do when sometimes, somebody's actions make u think of somethings, but when u ask them about it, u realise that they weren't think of that same thing as you?

i would like to dig a hole for myself to hide in until i feel same again please. any other better suggestions?

raar! i lost my voice! this guy at camp said i sounded like march simpson! i don't wanna sound like her! haha! i don't like the sound of my voice, except when i was making weird noices for myself to hear earlier in the evening. ooh i just realised the past four hrs flew by like nobody's business. can somebody please tell me how to get my voice back..?

yawn.

2006-09-13T21:36:00.000+10:00

judy goh! ahh..funny.. here's my add..

614/528 Swanston Street
Carlton 3053
Victoria

yay! i want letter! oh and can u please, pretty pretty please go to bangkok.. please.. i asked nicely.. (: anw i miss u tons jude! can't wait to see u in dec!! (:

eugenia loh meiting! i want mooncake.. hungry.. heh.. (: do please keep the 28-30th sept free for me to go pig out with u.. faster go run now! so we can go eat.. i'm exercising alr! everyday i go and take care of babies.. its a great form of exercise i tell u.. haha.. (:

2006-09-10T22:13:00.000+10:00

the past week was crazy..
and the coming week is gonna be crazy too..
but even through all the busyness,
God's been there, every step of the way.. (:
i love what i'm studying now..
through the past week of changing nappies and wiping noses and making baby noises..
its tiring and i complain..
but i know i love what i'm doing..
esp when i smile the minute i see their smiles..
and when no matter how tired i am, i feel satisfied making a difference..
even tho' they wldn't rem me if i'm not there tmw..
but it brings me great joy..
and i thank God for that..

today was a mad rush of collecting money and forms..
tired minds and slightly frazzled nerves don't go well..
raar..
i'm actually glad tt i'm helping out in camp..
think i got to know some ppl better..
can almost hear God saying "I told you so!"..
hah!
and dominoes for lunch showed me how little i actually eat..

oh and i did groceries today..
and took the tram home..
and then there were tram inspectors..
and since i had a weekly ticket i happily/proudly took it out to show them..
BUT all three inspectors walked past me without as much as a glance!
raar!
the first one walked past me to scold the girl who had her feet on the seat..
the second walked past me to talk to some guys who bought last min tickets..
and the third simply assumed the first two checked me alr!
raar.. i really wanted to show them k..
they don't even let me feel honest!

this coming week's gonna be busy busy busy..
with placement stuff..
early starts and late knock-offs..
and camp stuff..
and then camp itself..
really think camp's gonna be great..
i'm quite excited actually..
even tho' it can be pretty sian to do stuff sometimes.. (:

and after camp is japan+sg!
and i really really can't wait..
think pretty sceneries and shopping and good food..
and humid weather that brings me back to home and dearly missed friends..
and some more yummy food..
whee.. (:

can't wait can't wait!

2006-09-01T18:40:00.000+10:00

i'm a happy girl today!

i handed in my essay+brochure after working the whole day yesterday and night.. only slept at 7.30 this morning and had to wake up for my 10am class.. i think i was tired till i became kinda hyper and my friends were wondering what happened to me.. haha.. at least the work's done and over with..

and today was so warm and sun-shiny and happy! i love bright sunny days (tt's not humid) and it makes me happy! even after only 2hrs of sleep.. whee.. i love being able to wear skirts.. spring is officially here! yay!

and today i bought my keyboard! i'm a happy happy girl now! its like christmas came early.. jess and alex were helping me set up and they said i was like a kid ripping open christmas wrapping paper.. nothing could deter me! raar! haha.. i've been playing and practicing for the past 1+hr.. trying to rem all my piano knowledge.. its ironic how i almost fought with my dad so that i could stop going for piano classes.. yet now here i am, happily playing my keyboard after having to convince my dad to let me buy one.. haha! i'll definitely use the keyboard to the max! i promise.. (:

whee.. i'm a really happy girl! ooh and i'll be back in sg and only leaving on the 1st oct.. not too sure when i'll be back from japan in sg tho.. haven't confirm that yet! i'm using tons of '!' today cos that's how i'm feeling.. haha! maybe its cos i only slept 2hrs in the past 33hrs.. oh well.. at least that means that i'll definitely have a good night's sleep tonight! (:

ta!

p/s: happy teacher's day everybody!too bad we're too old to have a holiday.. haha! (:

2006-08-31T11:50:00.000+10:00

the week's been great if i dare say so.
i'm up to my neck with essays and camp stuff.
but i'm happy.
"follow your heart" people tell me.
and i did.
not my emo heart.
but the heart that's all for my God.
and its almost as if He's rewarding me.
from the minute i said no.
good happy things have been piling on and on.
i'm up to my neck in happy things as much as i am in work!
now, how about that!

placement starts next week.
and i visited the place yesterday.
and i really thank God for that centre.
everybody was so friendly and nice and willing to take time to talk to me.
that's something i didn't experience in the previous one.
the atmosphere was just so happy and warm.
and i know i'll enjoy it.
cos i ain't gonna do it alone. (:

i need to get back to my 1500 word essay/rationale and 800 word evaluation.
and the library's my best friend now, again.
i like to people-watch in the library.
trying to add my own words to ppl's hushed convos.
hee. i was bored.

and i think my church friends here are beginning to see my 'raar!'s and 'ugh!'s
they were laughing at me last night.
oh wells.
at least this means i'm getting more comfy w them.

and i can't wait to be home. hopefully. (:

2006-08-25T01:10:00.000+10:00

Matthew 11:28-20

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2006-08-24T23:17:00.000+10:00

i hate bruises.
i have 2 on my left knee and 1 on my right knee and 1 on my thigh.
and i've no idea how it got there.
raar!
i love convos with my dearest mummy.
she makes me laugh.
not the 'hur-hur' trying to be polite laughs.
the belly aching i-wanna-cry kinda laughs.
and those don't come often enough here in melb.
esp since i have to make sure i talk with an accent so my friends understand me.
that takes the humour down a peg.
raar!
i'm now waiting for my raar-ing dinosaur soft toy to appear. (:
even i forgot about that.
haha.
i'm cold. brrr.

and worried.
but then again,
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
(:

2006-08-20T21:52:00.000+10:00

i started this sem fearful and petrified of what is to come..
i asked God why he had to make me go through all this..
i wrestled and argued..
hoping to find my own way out of that whole supposed mess..
in short, i wanted out.. i wanted to quit..
but you know what,
a princess of God never gives up!
and i didn't..
i told myself to give it half a sem..
and then i'll see how it goes..
and God has proven me wrong..
He never lets me go..
the events of the past three days surprise me..
i actually feel like i'm a part of them..
i actually enjoyed myself tremendously..
no more awkward moments.. (alot less at least)
i'm still scared of next sem..
i still have fear..
but now i know God's gonna be there with me..
but i felt the reassurance of God..
and i thank God for it.. (:

on a side note, the salvation army this morning was the most eye opening, humbling experience ever.. i saw people who looked so broken and worn out praising God more passionately than me.. and i've never diced so many onions before in my whole life.. (:

2006-08-19T15:33:00.000+10:00

yesterday was a pretty random day.. dont' scold me but i skipped class to spend time with my sis cos its her birthday today but she wanted to go shopping yest.. so off we went to dfo but not before we gave her best friend from sg a city tour around melb where i realised that my sis knew so much more abt melb than me.. haha.. but dfo was good! (: its like an overdose of shopping tho'.. after awhile the big red SALE sign in every single store doesn't matter anymore and the dresses in the last one-third of stores begin to look the same.. haha.. but i was a happy girl with my buys.. so much for not shopping for the rest of the month.. heh..

and dinner last night at limor's was most enjoyable.. too much meat for my liking tho'.. i'm glad i got to know my cell so much better last night.. esp since we hung out till 4 doing something i never thought i wld ever do with my cell.. haha.. but it was nice singing cheesy songs with weird videos that came along with it.. (:

and today i woke up and spent 45mins cleaning every corner of my house till its really clean.. and that makes me happy.. i think i'm weird.. i rather clean my house than do my soon-to-be-due work.. heh.. oh wells..

edit: and i kept raar-ing in my head when Pat was making fun of my many st nix dances and current dance class in uni.. raar!

2006-08-15T21:46:00.000+10:00

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the heart again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

2006-08-09T23:23:00.000+10:00

raar! i'm sick and cold and in pain and irritable.. i've been having some v weird random thoughts recently that make me want to laugh at all the wrong times..

like how i was in the comp lab reading emails and killing time when i read eugenia's email and i realised she only emails/thinks of me when she sees weirdos or thinks weird thoughts..

or how i was having dance class today and we had to pretend we were stingrays swimming in the sea and i suddenly had very strong cravings for chomp chomp stingray..

and in that same dance class, the tutor talked about getting the children to warm up by introducing their names together with an action and i thought of lala and her cheeks..

or how i had to borrow a big artblock sized folder of stuff from the education library yest and as i was walking home i thought i looked like enthu (this guy from my OG tt i don't know his name at all) and i wanted to laugh real bad but i wld really look crazy..

or how we were rehearsing during music class for our presentation and we were going to sing 'If you're happy and you know it' and i was playing the piano and i suddenly thought of my twin and her year-long christmas songs..

oh and i figured out why my left foot is smaller than my right foot.. its cos i'm always banging my left foot/toes into things! esp these few weeks.. and it always hurts alot alot.. but it always happens again and again.. raar..

oh well.. i'm craving mandarin oranges now.. but i can't eat them.. i need to see a doctor tmw.. raar! i refuse to pay for medicine.. i love my homebrand dried apricots.. i love my 1kg of apples.. i abhor math tutes.. its a constant reminder that racism does exist in a country that claims it embraces every other non-anglo-saxon race.. and that snobs exist in every occupation and level of society.. raar.. i have tons of work and assignments to do.. but i'm plain lazy.. bleah.. i need sleep..

2006-08-02T23:54:00.000+10:00

today i have dance class for one of my uni subjects.. and i went there (late cos i got lost) expecting to learn nothing except simple damce moves and ways to engage children in dance activities.. and i got SO much more out of it.. so much more..

for a certain segment, we had to pair up and hold a scarf between the two of us.. almost like a one on one tug of war kinda thing.. except that there was to be an equilibrium.. so that if one let go, the other would fall to the ground.. and we had to keep that equilibrium and move across the hall as if we wanted to get away from our partners yet without letting go of the scarf.. (i know my explanation's really bad cos its really hard to describe it..)

anyway, halfway thru this exercise, it suddenly came to me that that's the way we are with God.. we all have this 'equilibrium' with God.. if He lets go, we'll all fall down.. but here's the thing, God will never ever let go.. no matter how we try to run away from Him, in all different manners and in all different ways, God's going to be there always.. no matter how we tug and pull away from Him, God's going to tug and pull us back to Him.. (:

on another note, we're going skiing on saturday!! and we're going to build snowmen and change glenn into a snow leprechaun.. haha! how fun!!

never ever give up before you start.

2006-08-01T20:37:00.000+10:00

an impromtu lunch date with liane
turned into an impromtu shoe shopping spree
with us egging each other on..
and like liane said,
sometimes we really don't do no good for each other.. haha..
i have tons of work due within this 4 weeks
which is bad cos i'm still in a bit of a holiday mood..
raar!
conversations with eugenia never fail to cheer me up
and steer me in the right direction..
i should duplicate her
so that she can be here with me.. (:
i need to wake up early tmw..
i need to get down to doing some work..
and i wanna go skiing this weekend.. (:
whee..
i'm craving mandarin oranges now..
how weird..

2006-07-29T23:24:00.000+10:00

the past week was quite a drag.. oversleeping.. weird first tutes for weird subjects.. hated resume writing and cover letter writing for applications not yet sent out.. a lack of people willing to hire international students like me.. overestimating the heat that comes out of the sun.. underestimating the wind that blows.. procastination to the max.. yummy dinners with people i haven't seen in quite awhile.. good company.. online tasks too tough for me.. raar.. don't know why i'm writing such short sentences.. headache from abovementioned online tasks.. i need to eat healthy.. that means eating at home.. that means i save money.. i'm v random today.. oh well..

i miss the familiarity of things. the way words can be left unsaid yet understood in full. the way there are no awkward silences or pregnant pauses. the way laughter comes so easily and lightly. i miss all that and more. so much more.

2006-07-25T22:20:00.000+10:00

grr.. sometimes i wonder why i still bother..

2006-07-24T17:37:00.000+10:00

and so it's back to my routine of school, sandwich's, cooked dinners, big brother, deal or no deal, etc etc.. i miss watching deal or no deal.. don't ask me why.. haha.. and i grated my thumb together with my carrots last night.. raar! pain pain pain.. ooh.. i'm gonna buy birks! yay! somebody please rain some money into my apartment.. i'll leave my window wide open.. (:

i need to find a job. soon.

2006-07-23T15:05:00.000+10:00

i've decided to post some photos before going to take a nap.. i'm tired.. (:

the two pigs fighting over island creamery's apple pie ice cream! (:

there's a pool of water on dear ol' ronald macdonald's lap and clara was forced to take this picture (that's my disclaimer [: )

ichiban boshi with celest pris and pam.. the photo with the whole group of us was pretty blur.. raar..

suntanning at sentosa

sunset at bintan

our very own swimming pool in bintan

whee.. its raining outside now.. just the right weather to sleep in.. (:

2006-07-22T17:05:00.000+10:00

whee..and i'm back in melb once again.. sg was a blast.. a whirlwind of activities and outings and shopping+eating sprees.. lotsa mango-ing and zara-ing.. and akashi and sakae sushi and dao hui and chomp chomp and xiao long baos.. somehow, food always tastes better in sg.. maybe its the company more than anything.. it was hot and humid but i think the company was worth braving the heat for.. (:

but i realise that its not possible to have two places that i call home. i feel 'at home' in both sg and melb. but somehow, something was amiss when i went back to sg. singapore is home because i grew up there and my family's there and my close friends are there. but my life isn't there anymore. i don't have a routine there. here in melb, i didn't grow up here and my family's not here and my friends are all relatively new. but its home because my life is here. i have my own little routines. i have friends and i spend the large part of the year here, building friendships. i don't know whether anybody even understands what i'm saying here and i think what i wanted to say came out a little jumbled. i guess this whole para can be summarised into that i felt almost out of place in sg when i realised i was constantly asking when did things happen. when did things change. when i realised i knew so much about my friends, yet i was so detached from their lives. when i realised that i was the same and my friends were the same, but the circumstances surrounding our lives were changed. ok, that wasn't really a summary. but you get the idea.

anyway, can somebody tell me why my fridge was SMELLY and had ALGAE when i came back?!?! it was really ultra gross and the smell was the kind that lingers in your nose long after you leave the source. raar! and me being a lil ocd ended up scrubbing it with detergent until i could stick my head in and smell lemons (pls don't visualise that). and i also bought a lemon today and placed it in my fridge so that it wldn't stink no more.

last night was dinner and dessert with the cell(or what's left of it). dessert at pancake parlour reminded me of EUGENIA LOH MEI TING! i wanted to take photo and send it to her so that she can drool over it. but my camera no batt. haha. and today was lunch and shopping and grocery-ing with irene. we decided that we got too much fats that's why we don't feel cold anymore. so we shared lunch and left the rice there. and we walked to the city and back as exercise. haha. eh we walked back with groceries k. so we exercised our calf muscles and arm muscles also. haha. and kookai had storewide sale. and i saw a really lovely dress that was 50% off. and i now have the ability to resist temptation. (:

i'm off to watch teevee and maybe eat some of my precious post cereal. hah! so much for dieting (:

2006-06-29T02:43:00.000+10:00

In all its emotional complexity...
In all its blinding perplexity...
In all its swirling reality...

A momentary lapse of reason...

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love

Live through this, and you won't look back
Live through this, and you won't look back
Live through this, and you won't look back

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

apt, how apt.. got that song off a friend's blog.. and i went to look for it and it has an extremely lovely video to go with it..

2006-06-26T02:16:00.000+10:00

i'm home. and loving it tons despite the humidity. (:
its been pretty good actually.
i've been pigging out much to the amusement/delight of eugenia lala and my twin.
and it isn't helping that we're going to island creamery and newton tmw! (:

its good to finally lay everything down in front of us and sort things out.
no more grey areas.
no more guessing games.
no more high hopes or expectations.
just pure friendship.
no strings attached.

no more tears.
no more tension.
no more awkward moments.
just two old friends coming together.
catching up on life and its ironies.

did i get it right this time? i hope i did.

2006-06-21T01:11:00.000+10:00

this is really random but i saw the prettiest chairs and the prettiest decor in the prettiest, albeit empty, not-so-little bar last night. was out having dinner with glenn and playing with his really pretty and cool nintendo. and we went to this bar for coffee after dinner and it was SO PRETTY!!! the chairs remind me of alice in wonderland. like i could just imagine the queen of hearts sitting in that chair, except that it was black and white. and the whole place reminded me of judy goh and lala! like i just now the both of u would love it! they had really high ceilings and almost everything was black and white. and they had like different themed rooms, which weren't open cos it was, after all a monday night. and i wanted to steal the pretty chair home. but it was too heavy. blah.

and i can't wait to get home! i'm really really excited ok. like i'll be studying halfway and the thought would pop into my head "ooh! i'm going home! i'm going home!" *big grin* ok. i think that sounded quite stupid. i shall go sleep.

2006-06-18T01:44:00.000+10:00

liane, my dearest bitching partner. where are you when i need you?! i feel the urge to make weird noises.

2006-06-17T23:18:00.000+10:00

5 days and 2 papers away from home.
and i really can't wait to go home. i have become a nerd. if your asked me what my fav hang out place will be over the next few days (and this includes the past few days) my answer would be the library and exam hall. and what else would i be doing? hmm..study...exam...study...study...exam.. raar! i'm bored. i watched alice in wonderland on teevee just now. that was the only interesting thing i did today. but it was really good. i remember wanting to be alice when i was young. so that i can be big and small. and talk to strange people. i think i completely missed the point of the story when i was young. and at the end of the show i realised that size really is relative to what we feel inside.

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see You
Everything would be all right
If I could see You
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

I know You didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

And I will walk on water
And You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

2006-06-14T20:57:00.000+10:00

the craziest, most bazaar, most absurd encounter just happened as i was walking back home alone after dinner with my fellow library camper. and i walked all the way home with a face that said "HUH?!" and a head full of weird thoughts. and i'm still shaking my head in disbelief. like seriously, HUH?!?! and it made me feel something that i haven't felt in a long long time.

anyway, i have an exam tmw. but i feel strangely calm yet panicky at the same time. i'm weird. today's weird. the walk home was weird. i wanna go home. i'm still in disbelief. if you looked at me now, you'll see question marks everywhere.

raar.

2006-06-13T00:19:00.000+10:00

"i guess there are times when you feel like you can conquer everything, but when it looms ahead, suddenly all your resolve melts away..."

a quote from lala's email. i hope u don't mind. but how apt. how very apt. somehow its easier to conquer everything from 3000++km away.

10 days and 3 papers away from home.

and for the record, i was studying till my neighbours'(3 apartments worth) 'ooooh-s' and 'DARN-s' and 'arrrgh-s' and banging the walls and stamping their feet made me unable to study no more. the socceroos are playing japan. i realise that aussies don't really understand the rules of soccer. they prefer footy but follow along simply because the socceroos are in germany. my pastor was saying yest in church that he didn't understand why the soccer players were in so much 'pain' when they simply knocked each other a lil' bit.

2006-06-12T14:00:00.000+10:00

i am a jealous and terribly terribly homesick girl.
its freaking cold and windy and gloomy and
i have no more motivation to study and i wanna go home.
but a certain part of me doesn't want to go back.
cos going back means facing up to things.
i contradict myself.
i feel fat. i should go for a jog.
but its cold.
i shall spend the next week in the library.
the library that has to central heating.
i wonder why the education faculty is so poor.
raar!
i miss eugenia and clara and judy and my twin and the lovely (hot!) weather in sg.

raar! i'm cold.

i realise this is really random.
i should get down to studying.